Internet video fun

Without question, the best thing about the internet is the its ability to spread information at a rate never before seen. Nothing provides better evidence of this than the ongoing protests in Iran which has been documented on sites like YouTube and Twitter.

I heard about this video of people rescuing two people, including a four-year-old, from a burning car on the news this morning and intended to write a post completely ripping on the camera operator for simply filming the rescue and not helping out. However, when I watched it I realized that there were plenty of people already helping, and because of his role, everybody in the world can see that there are still people willing to put themselves in harm's way to help other people.

In a semi-related story, the president was kind enough to further my argument that he's secretly a woman by admitting that the jeans he wore for the All-Star Game were "frumpy." Frumpy? He made further excuses by declaring that the jeans were comfortable, and he hates to shop. Clearly, this is nothing more than a thinly veiled attempt to protect his image with men, and it's true that I would prefer comfortable to stylish. That's fair. He's a guy. But none of this would have mattered if he could throw like one.

More internet video news. Apparently, a video of a naked Erin Andrews surfaced over the weekend. It was taken while she was in her hotel room and clearly wasn't taken with her knowledge. Through her lawyers, she has promised both civil and criminal suits though the origin of the video is unknown. I don't have it and won't be posting it here because of the words "civil and criminal" mentioned in the previous sentence. The thing that's the most concerning is the media coverage this has gotten.

Somehow, despite a portfolio consisting entirely of non-risque pictures and videos, Erin Andrews is one of the most popular women on the internet, so the attention makes sense. However, outlets like Fox News and The Today Show (that I know of) have shown outrage toward the videographer and sympathy for Andrews by playing clips of the video all day. I understand, the video brings in ratings, and ratings bring in sponsors, and sponsors bring in money, but there's a direct hypocrisy being shown. "It's every woman's worst nightmare. A video of Erin Andrews walking around her hotel room naked. Take a look. Making this video was a deplorable act, and our thoughts go out to Miss Andrews. Now watch with us in disgust as she bends over to pick up her hair brush."

Also, I can't decide whether I want to watch the video or find myself entirely sick to my stomach. Part of me wants to satisfy my curiosity to finally find out what she looks like naked, but I'm not sure that's the best situation. Some part of her appeal is the fact that she doesn't provoke attention by taking her clothes off, and seeing her without them would definitely take away that innocence. Moreover, I'm not sure I'd be able to enjoy watching her on the sideline after having seen this video. As a result, it seems watching the video seems as though it would provide a short term positive that would be far outweighed by my lack of excitement the next time she's walking past my section during football season.

And finally, on a much less serious note, I stopped watching ESPN some time ago because I despise nearly every team from Boston, New York, and Chicago. However, due to team ownership obligations and the fact that I don't have to read about certain aforementioned teams there, I can't stop visiting their website. Since I assume most people are in a similar situation, I want to share a Sunday Conversation that recently aired on the network and was recently archived online. Normally, Sunday Conversation is a segment with an emotional interview of Brett Favre speaking about his most recent retirement or Alex Rodriguez about his steroids/gayness/choking (unrelated)/self-loving. Not this week. Check out the video below which features Ben Schwartz interviewing Olympic gymnast, Nastia Liukin.

8 greater than 300

A few months ago, I was finally convinced to endure a viewing of 300, a movie which I had absolutely no interest. I'm by no means a movie buff or even a casual movie goer. The extent of my movie watching typically comes from watching HBO or catching the child-proofed version on cable. However, 300 was a different beast. Movie critics loved it. My friends loved it. Even the Persians loved it. So I gave in and suffered through the first 30 minutes before enjoying a two hour nap. Alright, so that last sentence is only half true. The first 30 minutes sucked, but the nap was excellent. After a few attempts and 46 cans of Red Bull, I was able to watch the rest of the crapfest without passing out...though I did wear a path to the bathroom.

Over the weekend, I was forced to watch the last twenty minutes again "because it's the best part." Whatever. At least it gave me what felt like 2 hours to come up with a list of activities more worthwhile and enjoyable than enduring its suckiness.

1. Watch Gladiator. It's almost the same movie except that it doesn't suck. Think about it. 300 supposedly took place about 500 years before Maximus Decimus Meridius lived. Though Maximus is based on ancient Romans, the actual character is a work of fiction. Likewise, the Battle of Thermopylae took place, but certainly not how the movie depicted it. That's about it for the similarities. While 300 opts for the quality of Space Jam, Gladiator employs more traditional movie making techniques - like character development, a plot, and good script - without sacrificing violence and bloodshed.

2. Read the Thoughts from Stall 3 Archive.

3. Watch grass grow.

4. Attend a WNBA game. (Note: That's an actual picture taken during a game last season.)

5. Watch 300 in Japanese so you don't have to endure the trite, unmotivating speeches imparted by Leonidas. As an added bonus, you can watch the characters mouths move and not match the words coming out. With any luck it'll distract you from the cinematography.

6. Start making plans for St. Boniface Day. It'll be here soon enough.

7. Travel the world on Google Maps.

8. Search Google for new pictures of Erin Andrews.

One More Reason Baseball is Better Live

Despite being my favorite sport, it's impossible to dismiss the fact that it has obscenely sleep-provoking moments. Watching the game on TV subjects us to look at whatever the blow-hard announcer decides is worth talking about. However, it doesn't go without its benefits. (And I'm not talking about Eddie. *cough* gratuitous Erin Andrews links *cough* *cough* WARNING: not Erin Andrews *cough*) More importantly, commercial breaks last just long enough to visit the bathroom and restock the cup holders in your giant inflatable chair. However, being at the game doesn't bestow such opportunity because the time it takes the pitcher to warm up is conveniently the exact same amount of time it takes to get the attention of the 350 pound fan with enough back hair to shave a jersey on himself (and little enough shame to do it) that has been hogging your armrest the whole game and climb over him. Unfortunately, where there's one, there's usually more. Regardless, it's better than sitting next to this guy.

No matter, I didn't write this to persuade anybody that watching baseball on TV is better than being at the game. Despite not having time to finagle your way through the beer line and back to your seat without missing any time, there are actually reasons to go to a game. The Lemonade Shaking Guy, for instance. Of course, the game itself is nice but not worth $45 plus $8 per beer. What makes the game worth $45 per seat? The between inning entertainment. There's high powered t-shirt cannons, variations of the shell game, and most importantly, novelty racing.

Most of the time, the race involves participants that have some connection to the city the game is played in. The Washington Nationals race comical versions of dead presidents (shown at left), the Pittsburgh Pirates race pierogies, and the Milwaukee Brewers race sausages (sometimes with disastrous results - and for the record, I'm laughing now).

Just when you thought it couldn't get much more bizarre, this evening, to my dismay (as much because it's Saturday night as because of the partbicipants), I came across this video from www.cincinnati.com. It turns out, the Florence Freedom, the single A team for the Cincinnati Reds choose to race two eyeballs and Fat Elvis. For the better part of a half hour, I've been working on a punchline, but I'm now convinced that there is nothing I can say to make this video funnier, so I'll leave you with it and the images burned into your mind for the rest of your life. I'm sorry.