No. 10 - A new six iron
You would probably assume that for a golfer, replacing a club his vindictive (and rightfully so) wife ruined by smashing his window. That said, I'm convinced Tiger could win the Masters with a 3 wood, pitching wedge, and putter which is the reason the six iron comes in at number 10. That, and Nike probably provided him with a new set three weeks ago.
No. 9 - A gift certificate to the Bunny RanchThe Bunny Ranch is one of the more prominent houses of ill repute in Las Vegas and the subject of an HBO late night documentary series. Or so I've been told.
No. 8 - A Segway
Had Tiger not had to take the time to fire up his Escalade, he might have been able to get away cleanly. His window would not have been broken, and he would have looked a whole lot cooler during his desperate attempt to flee. Unless he had to go uphill...or hit a fire hydrant.
No. 7 - A second cell phone
I'm not sure why he didn't have a couple to begin with. My assumption would be that he carried an iPhone in one pocket with a Blackberry in the other. My assumption appears as though it would be wrong. Also, with the new phone, I'd suggest NOT using your ladies' real names.
No. 6 - Adult videos
I know. I know. "Why would a guy who can attain 15 affairs need porn?" Because if the wife catches you with porn, you sleep on the couch. If she catches you with another woman, she'll get possession of it.
No. 5 - False teeth
I imagine putting would be quite difficult when you can't stop whistling through the gap where your tooth used to be.
No. 4 - Human chorionic gonadotropin (hCG)
As if Tiger's personal relationships weren't enough of a news item, his trainer is being investigated for distributing steroids. So what is hCG? A woman's hormone that seems to be used for masking the use of steroids. I don't know if Tiger's guilty of juicing, but it wouldn't hurt to try this stuff out since, if nothing else, he clearly already has abnormally high testosterone levels.
No. 3 - Shatterproof car windows
Obviously, Tiger needs a new rear driver's side window. I'd suggest shatterproof this time, for obvious reasons. Then again, if this one had been impenetrable, his wife never would have been able to break it and drag him to safety after his unfortunate driving.
No. 2 - Fake mustaches
I'd recommend the kind that comes complete with the new nose and stylish glasses. Either way, his new ladies won't know his identity, and his next marriage won't be wrecked by the same mistakes. Who wants a mustache ride?
No. 1 - "I still love you, please don't take half my stuff" ring
The tried and true method for apologizing for cheating on your wife. As Kobe Bryant showed, the standard size is 8 carats per affair. That puts Tiger up to about a 120 carat ring.
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