Throwbama in St. Louis

Every time I watch the video of the president throwing out the first
pitch at the All-Star game two things strike me. First, our esteemed
leader wears mom jeans. Second, and more importantly, he throws like a
girl. Say what you will about George Bush, but the man knew how to
throw a baseball. It probably helps that he once owned a
semi-professional baseball team, but that doesn't excuse Obama for what
he did. As you'll notice during the two minute video, the president did
exactly one thing like a man, and that's his decision to throw from the
mound and not from the grass in front of it. Of course, had he chosen
to throw from the grass, his pitch might have reached the plate.

During his visit to the press box where he talked with the worst
broadcasters in sports not named Musberger, he was asked about the
difference between throwing out the first pitch at the All-Star game
versus a regular game, which he performed as a senator. He mentioned
that as a senator, they just gave him the ball and sent him to the
mound, but as president, he was able to secure some time with Albert
Pujohls (the player who caught the "pitch") in the bullpen to warm up.
That's the most relieving part of the story because if he hadn't been
given the chance to throw ahead of time, his pitch might not have
reached the grass.

So I decided to rewatch the video and figure out exactly what went
wrong, you know, for the good of the president's image and whatnot. My
first thought was maybe he tripped over his jeans, or perhaps they were
too tight. That's when I realized that despite the jeans being loose
enough to suit Manny Ramirez's taste, they still didn't manage to cover
up his ankles. You'd think the first lady and her Jackie O sense of
style that the media can't stop talking about would be able to find a
decent pair of jeans for her husband. You'd be wrong. Discarding that
solution, I watched the video again and realized that when the pitch was
thrown, the camera conveniently forgot to follow the path of the ball,
presumably in case the throw was bad. Unfortunately for all involved,
other cameras were able to see the result of the poor throw, and it was
replayed LeBron's publicist was able to destroy the tapes. I guess it's
better to be the king than president.

Anyway, sparing many technical details, you'll see that Obama's wind up is decent, but once he began the throwing motion, instead of doing the natural (and masculine) motion of moving his arm in a circle, he went against his momentum and pulled his arm back like he was throwing a dart. And the result was less than ideal. But hey, as Adam Carolla showed, it could have been a lot worse...three times.



Need more? Try Cincinnati mayor Mark Mallory.