Speaking of women and their cars

To my knowledge, the only reason for visiting Memphis since Elvis died was to visit his grave. Now, I might visit to have my car stolen. Recently, a woman wearing only a bikini walked up to a car and demanded that driver get out and give her the car. Normally, a story like this plants a funny scenario into my head about how this happened as soon as I read the headline. Like an idiot, reading the story leads to a much less climatic situation. This headline inspired two scenarios that I wanted to happen equally.

Obviously, my first thought was, "Who would give up their car to a female hijacker? Especially one who was only wearing a bikini? It was probably Lois Einhorn." My two answers: a woman and a man.

Situation 1 - The woman -

A woman driving her Prius home from the organic grocery store. (Sidenote: an organic grocery store isn't nearly as exciting as the name sounds.) The bikini clad woman walks up to the driver's window and taps on it. The woman proceeds to crack the window so slightly that her credit card wouldn't fit through and asked what the bikini woman wanted. When the response was to get out of her car, I have to imagine the only thought she could have had was, "Of all the days to let my metro boyfriend drive the SUV... I could floor it, but I think she would outrun me. What else can I do? Maybe, if I ask nicely, she'll let me get my eerily brown eggs. She is a woman after all. She'll be able to relate to me. Yeah, I'll do that."

Situation 2 - The man -

A guy driving home from the strip club is stopped at a red light, and a bikini clad woman walks up. He rolls down the window, and leans out to see if she "needs a ride." She tells him she has a gun and to get out of the car. Being slightly buzzed, he laughs in her face and asks where she's keeping it. However, his state of inebriation prevents him from just driving off, so he gets out to show her the most logical place - her ears - at which point, she gets in and drives off.

Unfortunately, neither story is true. In reality, she stole the car from a woman who only requested that she be allowed to take her kids. I can't make fun of her for that, but I will make fun of the robber for not quitting while she was ahead. Apparently, sober store owners aren't as susceptible to half naked fives as half drunk ones, which resulted in them restraining her until the police arrived. Lame.

I'm pretty sure it was Elvis.