8 greater than 300

A few months ago, I was finally convinced to endure a viewing of 300, a movie which I had absolutely no interest. I'm by no means a movie buff or even a casual movie goer. The extent of my movie watching typically comes from watching HBO or catching the child-proofed version on cable. However, 300 was a different beast. Movie critics loved it. My friends loved it. Even the Persians loved it. So I gave in and suffered through the first 30 minutes before enjoying a two hour nap. Alright, so that last sentence is only half true. The first 30 minutes sucked, but the nap was excellent. After a few attempts and 46 cans of Red Bull, I was able to watch the rest of the crapfest without passing out...though I did wear a path to the bathroom.

Over the weekend, I was forced to watch the last twenty minutes again "because it's the best part." Whatever. At least it gave me what felt like 2 hours to come up with a list of activities more worthwhile and enjoyable than enduring its suckiness.

1. Watch Gladiator. It's almost the same movie except that it doesn't suck. Think about it. 300 supposedly took place about 500 years before Maximus Decimus Meridius lived. Though Maximus is based on ancient Romans, the actual character is a work of fiction. Likewise, the Battle of Thermopylae took place, but certainly not how the movie depicted it. That's about it for the similarities. While 300 opts for the quality of Space Jam, Gladiator employs more traditional movie making techniques - like character development, a plot, and good script - without sacrificing violence and bloodshed.

2. Read the Thoughts from Stall 3 Archive.

3. Watch grass grow.

4. Attend a WNBA game. (Note: That's an actual picture taken during a game last season.)

5. Watch 300 in Japanese so you don't have to endure the trite, unmotivating speeches imparted by Leonidas. As an added bonus, you can watch the characters mouths move and not match the words coming out. With any luck it'll distract you from the cinematography.

6. Start making plans for St. Boniface Day. It'll be here soon enough.

7. Travel the world on Google Maps.

8. Search Google for new pictures of Erin Andrews.