I guess if I was desperate enough...

I just stumbled across this story about a man who attempted a do-it-yourself circumcision using a pair of nail clippers. As a grown man, I shudder at the thought of the procedure as it's performed by a doctor while under anesthesia. I'm not sure what would possess a person to think it's a good idea to use a tool intended for grooming your toes for such a purpose, but I've outlined several possible scenarios attempting to discover his frame of mind.

First, boredom.

Second, he recently converted to Judaism.

Third (and most likely), he brought home this lady who issued an ultimatum. At that point, his brain had clearly lost control, which is the only plausible situation that could explain this story.

It could be worse. He could have spent that time watching 300.

Cleveland Rocks!

I won't even waste your time with words.



Which just begs the question: Why do Clevelanders put up with such nonsense? Right, Lebron James has brought home an NBA runner up trophy. Strangely, that's how it's preferred, because in Cleveland, as most people know, first is worst, and second is best. It's the same reason the Indians let the Florida Marlins win the World Series in 1997. (Or maybe they were just distracted.) And why they're content being the second best franchise in the NFL to have played in Cleveland. It really all makes sense.

If that doesn't get you to on the next flight to Cleveland. Certainly, this video will.



Or perhaps this one?



In all fairness to the City of Cleveland, I hear their steamers are wonderful. As an added bonus, they haven't set any bodies of water on fire for 40 years.

Kim Jong Il is My Favorite

Unless you've been living under a rock, or you only go to cnn.com (where the only international news seems to Iran) for news, you've probably heard the threats issued by North Korea that were aimed at the United States. (I made a decision before starting this blog that I would never focus on politics, and I have no intention of breaking that decision with this post. So please don't stop reading if you're not interested in politics. In fact, don't stop reading at all unless you suddenly get free Showtime, in which case, I wouldn't blame you at all.) Kim Jong Il has apparently decided to launch a missile toward Hawaii around the July 4th holiday and said he would "wipe out" the United States. The President says we're safe. Hawaiians feel safe. Even the Japanese didn't feel threatened. So why should I?

It gets better. Today, Pentagon spokesman Geoff Morrell became the first person to say what every American is feeling. "I don't even know how to respond to [the threat]. It's silliness." He continued, "For what and with what?"

As my own personal response to North Korea, I've decided to compile a list of my favorite moments in Mr. Jong Il's life.

From his cameo in Team America: World Police...

Due to his appearance in Team America, his approval rating plummeted...


Finally, Mr. Il had the chance to give his opinion of Call of Duty 4, which was broadcast on North Korea's only non-state television station...


(Disclaimer: By creating the title I chose, I was hoping to make it through the North Korean firewall. I refuse to make my feelings of Kim Jong Il known because it would break my politics rule, but I would like to make it known that I think the man is hilarious.)

8 greater than 300

A few months ago, I was finally convinced to endure a viewing of 300, a movie which I had absolutely no interest. I'm by no means a movie buff or even a casual movie goer. The extent of my movie watching typically comes from watching HBO or catching the child-proofed version on cable. However, 300 was a different beast. Movie critics loved it. My friends loved it. Even the Persians loved it. So I gave in and suffered through the first 30 minutes before enjoying a two hour nap. Alright, so that last sentence is only half true. The first 30 minutes sucked, but the nap was excellent. After a few attempts and 46 cans of Red Bull, I was able to watch the rest of the crapfest without passing out...though I did wear a path to the bathroom.

Over the weekend, I was forced to watch the last twenty minutes again "because it's the best part." Whatever. At least it gave me what felt like 2 hours to come up with a list of activities more worthwhile and enjoyable than enduring its suckiness.

1. Watch Gladiator. It's almost the same movie except that it doesn't suck. Think about it. 300 supposedly took place about 500 years before Maximus Decimus Meridius lived. Though Maximus is based on ancient Romans, the actual character is a work of fiction. Likewise, the Battle of Thermopylae took place, but certainly not how the movie depicted it. That's about it for the similarities. While 300 opts for the quality of Space Jam, Gladiator employs more traditional movie making techniques - like character development, a plot, and good script - without sacrificing violence and bloodshed.

2. Read the Thoughts from Stall 3 Archive.

3. Watch grass grow.

4. Attend a WNBA game. (Note: That's an actual picture taken during a game last season.)

5. Watch 300 in Japanese so you don't have to endure the trite, unmotivating speeches imparted by Leonidas. As an added bonus, you can watch the characters mouths move and not match the words coming out. With any luck it'll distract you from the cinematography.

6. Start making plans for St. Boniface Day. It'll be here soon enough.

7. Travel the world on Google Maps.

8. Search Google for new pictures of Erin Andrews.