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According to new research, texting while driving is a dangerous activity. Specifically, truck drivers were more than 20 times as likely to be involved in a collision than those that didn't. Did they give up their CB radios for cell phones? Car drivers were only six times more likely than non-texters.

In related news:

Candy will cause cavities and contribute to weight gain. Of course, fluoride will reduce the risk of cavities and help whiten teeth, but water containing anything other than two parts hydrogen and one part oxygen is inherently evil. Since when is being fat bad, anyway? Ever since I was a kid, I've been told that it's more important to have high self worth than conform to society. It's why my teachers never used red pen and why people are failing to make payments on houses they couldn't afford. Serenity now!

Prius drivers are smarter than any other car owner in the United States simply by virtue of owning a Prius. Ironically, they can't be straight, but at least they'll look intelligent. Throw on a cardigan and some square glasses for the super smart look. Don't forget the chihuahua. Allow me to explain something, I drive an Audi which routinely gets between 30 and 35 miles per gallon driving to and from work, a scant 25% less than the Holy Prius. The trade? I don't have to wait to make sure nobody sees me get out of my car. Bonus positive: I also don't need to make sure my balls haven't disappeared after driving.

A shift is occurring in the taste women have in men because of the advent of birth control, according to one study. This is just too obvious to comment on...unless you read to the last sentence. Remember the 1600s? Fat was attractive because they were affluent and could afford food. After the rise of unions, large muscular men were attractive because they were working and therefore had money. In 1984, a documentary came along that changed everything. (Remember, all jocks think about is sports. All nerds think about is sex.) Also, nerds are the ones who still have jobs and are making money today. Sensing a theme? The number one nerdy thing you can do? Write a blog. Number two? Get an engineering degree. I'd post my picture, but I don't want to start riots. Not yet.