If it's her turn to choose: Definitely, Maybe

"If it's her turn to choose" is a series I've started to help guys navigate the sea of movies your lady might choose when it's her turn to pick. In a nut shell, I'm reviewing a chick flick below to let my male audience know if it's worth fighting about or if you should just let her win this one. You can read about the ratings system in this post. With no further adieu, let's begin.
Movie Title - Definitely, Maybe

Year Released - 2008

Times to avoid being home

Trailer

Funniness - The movie isn't a slapstick comedy by any means. Most of the humor is dry, but it definitely (maybe) exists throughout the movie. I give it an 8/10.

Predictability - I really had little idea how the movie would end. I had a suspicion that turned out to be right, but it wasn't a lock until there were about 10 minutes left. I can live with that, but because there was never really an ephiphany moment, it doesn't get a perfect score here. Again, it get's an 8/10.

Female Leads - The movie features three female leads: Isla Fisher (No. 31 according to askmen.com's Top 99 for 2009), Elizabeth Banks (No. 95), and Rachel Weisz (No. 85 in 2008). Obviously, which such talent, I can't give this anything less than a 10.

Scantiness - Unfortunately, the ladies don't have a propensity toward tank tops or even wear shorts. Throughout the movie, Isla Fisher shows a propensity toward miniskirts, so it's not without hope. As such, scantiness only gets 3/10.

Perceived Length - The movie runs about 1:50, which is about right for a movie like this. It really seems to go faster than that, but there are definitely scenes that drag long enough that you'll check the clock a few times a minute to see how long it's been. That said, those moments are scarce, so I'll this a 7.

Lucky Factor - Obviously, this is subject to the woman involved, but I think Definitely, Maybe leaves you with a good chance of getting a yes later on. In my experience, when the characters end happy, so does my lady. I'm sure
there are some that still won't feel like it, so I can't give it a 10 since nothing is guaranteed. (It's something due to biology. I'm told I wouldn't understand.) As a result, I think an 8 is appropriate here.

Miscellaneous - Ryan Reynolds plays the male lead and does a pretty good job at it. I've found that he pretty much exclusively does chick flicks, but he seems to do alright and delivers some decent comedy. Plus if he's not entertaining you in this film, you can always imagine his performance in Van Wilder and how hot Tara Reid used to be. I'll say 6 here.

Boobies!! - No. Unfortunately. You're welcome.

Final Recommendation - The aggregate score for Definitely, Maybe ends up being 7.4 out of 10. As far as chick flicks go, it's one of the better ones I've endured, which I suppose is consistent with the score. I wouldn't go so far as to recommend this for solo viewing (unless your cable box only gets two channels and the other one is showing 300), but there are much more worthwhile issues to fight about. I'd say to suck it up and enjoy as best you can.

I guess if I was desperate enough...

I just stumbled across this story about a man who attempted a do-it-yourself circumcision using a pair of nail clippers. As a grown man, I shudder at the thought of the procedure as it's performed by a doctor while under anesthesia. I'm not sure what would possess a person to think it's a good idea to use a tool intended for grooming your toes for such a purpose, but I've outlined several possible scenarios attempting to discover his frame of mind.

First, boredom.

Second, he recently converted to Judaism.

Third (and most likely), he brought home this lady who issued an ultimatum. At that point, his brain had clearly lost control, which is the only plausible situation that could explain this story.

It could be worse. He could have spent that time watching 300.

8 greater than 300

A few months ago, I was finally convinced to endure a viewing of 300, a movie which I had absolutely no interest. I'm by no means a movie buff or even a casual movie goer. The extent of my movie watching typically comes from watching HBO or catching the child-proofed version on cable. However, 300 was a different beast. Movie critics loved it. My friends loved it. Even the Persians loved it. So I gave in and suffered through the first 30 minutes before enjoying a two hour nap. Alright, so that last sentence is only half true. The first 30 minutes sucked, but the nap was excellent. After a few attempts and 46 cans of Red Bull, I was able to watch the rest of the crapfest without passing out...though I did wear a path to the bathroom.

Over the weekend, I was forced to watch the last twenty minutes again "because it's the best part." Whatever. At least it gave me what felt like 2 hours to come up with a list of activities more worthwhile and enjoyable than enduring its suckiness.

1. Watch Gladiator. It's almost the same movie except that it doesn't suck. Think about it. 300 supposedly took place about 500 years before Maximus Decimus Meridius lived. Though Maximus is based on ancient Romans, the actual character is a work of fiction. Likewise, the Battle of Thermopylae took place, but certainly not how the movie depicted it. That's about it for the similarities. While 300 opts for the quality of Space Jam, Gladiator employs more traditional movie making techniques - like character development, a plot, and good script - without sacrificing violence and bloodshed.

2. Read the Thoughts from Stall 3 Archive.

3. Watch grass grow.

4. Attend a WNBA game. (Note: That's an actual picture taken during a game last season.)

5. Watch 300 in Japanese so you don't have to endure the trite, unmotivating speeches imparted by Leonidas. As an added bonus, you can watch the characters mouths move and not match the words coming out. With any luck it'll distract you from the cinematography.

6. Start making plans for St. Boniface Day. It'll be here soon enough.

7. Travel the world on Google Maps.

8. Search Google for new pictures of Erin Andrews.