tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-42642634534485129442012-02-16T07:47:13.448-05:00Eccentric postings inspired by my time on the throne.birdbrainhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10109849415532297240noreply@blogger.comBlogger391100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4264263453448512944.post-30267676234331741742009-12-16T18:10:00.003-05:002009-12-16T19:17:59.734-05:00

No. 10 - A new six ironYou would probably assume that for a golfer, replacing a club his vindictive (and rightfully so) wife ruined by smashing his window. That said, I'm convinced Tiger could win the Masters with a 3 wood, pitching wedge, and putter which is the reason the six iron comes in at number 10. That, and Nike probably provided him with a new set three weeks ago.No. 9 - A gift

birdbrainhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10109849415532297240noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4264263453448512944.post-26016882080759933732009-12-15T20:03:00.007-05:002009-12-15T21:42:42.134-05:00

Continuing in my week-long series on Christmas Power Rankings, day two will focus on the cookies most worthy of being staked out. Instead of fighting over the crappy cookies, I'd recommend choosing the ones on this list to make your stand. Of course, if there's only one left regardless of which kind, anything goes. All that said, if you'd rather use this post for good, just click the name to

birdbrainhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10109849415532297240noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4264263453448512944.post-31416733132494176202009-12-14T19:18:00.006-05:002009-12-14T22:09:09.703-05:00

Sticking with the theme du jour, I've decided to put together a week of power rankings related to Christmas. First things first, since you can only listen to Christmas music for about 5 weeks a year (and two of those are already gone) without drawing strange looks from the guy in the cubicle next to you (despite his jamming to Alanis Morrisette), I'll start with those.5. Christmas with the Devil

birdbrainhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10109849415532297240noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4264263453448512944.post-75061440110288222522009-12-08T18:27:00.007-05:002009-12-09T14:55:19.710-05:00

Few things are more pleasing to me than coming home from work flipping on the TV and watching the flickering colors until I fall asleep in my chair 6 hours later. I know, I know, sleep is for the weak. So is reading, hypocrite. Regardless, I've found an increasingly annoying number of Christmas specials to be replacing worthwhile television programming. So in my effort to do all of your

birdbrainhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10109849415532297240noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4264263453448512944.post-61621100843466901852009-12-07T20:00:00.006-05:002009-12-07T20:58:53.954-05:00

According to CBS, who apparently cares, the gift to give your wife this Hannukah isn't a dreidel, a new menorah, or even this dog. No, the gift du jour is a pap smear (which, to Jews, is apparently pronounced as pap schmear).Not Jewish? Don't worry, it works for Christmas, too. Though compared to a new vacuum cleaner, the doctor visit isn't quite as attractive.So, to summarize, dreidel isn't

birdbrainhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10109849415532297240noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4264263453448512944.post-90594990159211747602009-10-09T12:55:00.003-04:002009-10-09T14:05:45.277-04:00

Yesterday, I made the decision to use this forum for the common good by sharing the results of a study finding that texting while driving is more dangerous than simply driving while driving. My hope is that sharing those shocking findings stopped at least one of the four people who read this from putting themselves in danger. Today, I hope to use the same corner of the internet to prevent you

birdbrainhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10109849415532297240noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4264263453448512944.post-57567541439139539022009-10-08T07:46:00.004-04:002009-10-08T08:35:48.433-04:00

According to new research, texting while driving is a dangerous activity. Specifically, truck drivers were more than 20 times as likely to be involved in a collision than those that didn't. Did they give up their CB radios for cell phones? Car drivers were only six times more likely than non-texters.In related news:Candy will cause cavities and contribute to weight gain. Of course, fluoride will

birdbrainhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10109849415532297240noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4264263453448512944.post-2554630282003854912009-09-21T17:20:00.005-04:002009-09-21T19:01:09.983-04:00

I feel like going out on a limb today and want to guess that if you're reading this, you didn't watch the Primetime Emmy Awards last night. That's fair. Neither did I. And I watch about 8 hours of TV each day. Generally, I'm a sucker for award shows, but last night, I was much more excited for football and a new episode of Entourage. Of course, the awards show turned into hot news this

birdbrainhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10109849415532297240noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4264263453448512944.post-60021781257558127712009-09-17T18:30:00.006-04:002009-09-17T21:08:06.218-04:00

The past few weeks, it seems as though people have really been on edge, and who can blame them? The Red Sox are playing well which means their fans have returned to their unbearable levels of smug. The Yankees are likely to join them in the playoffs, which pisses everybody else off. However, baseball isn't the only source of frustration.Beyonce was robbed of the MTV Video Music Award for best

birdbrainhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10109849415532297240noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4264263453448512944.post-42089921934922632632009-08-24T17:39:00.003-04:002009-08-24T18:38:29.515-04:00

Few things in life irritate me more than the attention given to people who don't deserve it or get attention doing things I don't care about. Blame TMZ for getting it started, but this current trend in news coverage hardly ends there. HLN News and Views, formerly CNN Headline News, now has airs "Issues." That the one network that withheld their opinion now has an hour a day devoted to host

birdbrainhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10109849415532297240noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4264263453448512944.post-49837387187180003952009-08-21T17:11:00.003-04:002009-08-21T18:14:11.992-04:00

I'm not sure if mascots getting wiped out is something new because they're doing more courageous (read as: stupider) things or if we just hear about it because the internet is so willing to share them all with us. I really don't care.This first video comes from the Track and Field World Championships. It features Jamaican sprinter Melaine Walker, who had recently won the 400 meter hurdles in

birdbrainhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10109849415532297240noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4264263453448512944.post-44919148974304315912009-08-20T20:11:00.004-04:002009-08-20T21:36:55.127-04:00

Forgive me for being late to the party on this, but legendary musician Michael Jackson died at the ripe old age of 49. You already knew that? Oh.In other news, Brooks and Dunn have decided to split up. The country duo that formed in 1991 and has won every single country duo award since then decided that this will be their final tour together. I actually can't believe they even have an award

birdbrainhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10109849415532297240noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4264263453448512944.post-5388615697084501612009-08-18T19:05:00.007-04:002009-08-18T22:49:18.417-04:00

Tonight, Shaq Vs. debuted on ABC thus marking the start of the most anticipated reality show since American Gladiators was reborn, got really full of itself, and was quickly rekilled. At least, it's the one I'm looking forward to the most.As everybody knows, the only thing bigger than Shaq is his personality. The show was born because he claimed he can compete with any athlete at any sport.

birdbrainhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10109849415532297240noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4264263453448512944.post-10522068389194930412009-08-13T19:54:00.004-04:002009-08-13T20:53:54.609-04:00

That's right, August 13 has been designated National Left Handers' Day, and it's been formalized like all other major holidays, with its own website. As most people (in this case, those of us smart enough to use our right hands) realize, having National Days is nothing more than a desperate attempt to make inferior people feel, um, exferior. I'm not even sure why it's such a big deal at this

birdbrainhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10109849415532297240noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4264263453448512944.post-59858182884425110472009-07-30T20:04:00.004-04:002009-07-30T21:29:32.334-04:00

Every morning, I begrudgingly wake up and turn on channel 68, HLN. It started because I put a TV in my bedroom, and stumbled across Robin Meade one morning. She, and her daily low cut shirts, almost makes me enjoy getting up. This morning, she unveiled a list of the 10 most hated athletes as compiled by Forbes. It's my intent to explain why Forbes is wrong.1. Michael Vick - This one seems

birdbrainhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10109849415532297240noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4264263453448512944.post-13949986542868913002009-07-29T21:54:00.003-04:002009-07-29T23:17:48.676-04:00

Is there a female comedian (or comedienne, if you're a lesbian) that's legitimately funny? I'm not talking about an actress unless she started in standup. I've watched many episodes of Comedy Central Presents and even spent some time on YouTube to no avail. I'm not trying to be sexist. I honestly can't find a single funny one.Tonight, I even attempted watching HBO's One Night Stand featuring

birdbrainhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10109849415532297240noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4264263453448512944.post-53187696866962179972009-07-28T22:45:00.008-04:002009-07-28T22:57:49.151-04:00

By now, I've probably beaten Obamathrowslikeagirl (whose going off at 3-1 at the 2010 Kentucky Derby) to the point where it's only got about three good laughs left before it starts to feel as original as a Judd Apatow movie. So instead of commenting on the president's rag arm, I'll mock the mascot for the Binghamton Mets for his feminine home run celebration with an extremely demasculinizing

birdbrainhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10109849415532297240noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4264263453448512944.post-3605868086963672692009-07-27T17:56:00.006-04:002009-07-28T21:25:54.539-04:00

To my knowledge, the only reason for visiting Memphis since Elvis died was to visit his grave. Now, I might visit to have my car stolen. Recently, a woman wearing only a bikini walked up to a car and demanded that driver get out and give her the car. Normally, a story like this plants a funny scenario into my head about how this happened as soon as I read the headline. Like an idiot, reading

birdbrainhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10109849415532297240noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4264263453448512944.post-10639294356356406732009-07-23T17:37:00.006-04:002009-07-23T19:22:19.036-04:00

Ever since I got my new car a couple months ago, I've become much more judgmental of what other people are driving. Let me be clear and say that I won't judge based on how much a person's car costs or how old it is, but there are certain cars that certain people simply shouldn't be driving no matter what. I'm proposing a game whereby you get one point for each time you find a man driving one of

birdbrainhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10109849415532297240noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4264263453448512944.post-59436253202381094092009-07-21T17:10:00.010-04:002009-07-21T18:56:55.355-04:00

Without question, the best thing about the internet is the its ability to spread information at a rate never before seen. Nothing provides better evidence of this than the ongoing protests in Iran which has been documented on sites like YouTube and Twitter.I heard about this video of people rescuing two people, including a four-year-old, from a burning car on the news this morning and intended

birdbrainhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10109849415532297240noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4264263453448512944.post-44554341851061889222009-07-16T09:29:00.004-04:002009-07-16T21:55:39.050-04:00

Every time I watch the video of the president throwing out the firstpitch at the All-Star game two things strike me. First, our esteemedleader wears mom jeans. Second, and more importantly, he throws like agirl. Say what you will about George Bush, but the man knew how tothrow a baseball. It probably helps that he once owned asemi-professional baseball team, but that doesn't excuse Obama for

birdbrainhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10109849415532297240noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4264263453448512944.post-74414191368126476872009-07-14T22:44:00.005-04:002009-07-14T23:56:06.336-04:00

It's true that I'm writing this entry for no reason other than to stay awake for the duration of the baseball All-Star game, but that shouldn't make it less worthless than any of the other posts. How come the All-Star game doesn't utilize the designated hitter no matter where the game is played? I realize the National League doesn't play with the DH and the game is in a national league ballpark

birdbrainhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10109849415532297240noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4264263453448512944.post-85667360451730223852009-07-13T20:03:00.004-04:002009-07-14T23:56:51.465-04:00

Somehow, Forgetting Sarah Marshall gets a pass from the male population as a general comedy, so I had no problem watching it. About 20 minutes in, I realized that I'd been duped. In order to get the word out and protect males from watching it in the future, I've decided to feature it in this installment of "If it's her turn to choose."Movie Title - Forgetting Sarah MarshallYear Released -

birdbrainhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10109849415532297240noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4264263453448512944.post-39703802253326537682009-07-08T20:53:00.004-04:002009-07-08T21:45:30.790-04:00

Apparently, Ohio's esteemed governor, Ted Strickland, has signed a law that will remove the "r-word" from the the acronym MRDD. Of course, MRDD stands for mental retardation and developmental disabilities, and the word retardation is too insulting to include. To my knowledge, Ohio is the first state to enact such legislation, and I for one couldn't be happier to call myself an Ohioan. To my

birdbrainhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10109849415532297240noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4264263453448512944.post-65010619743783584422009-07-08T19:18:00.011-04:002009-07-08T22:39:49.737-04:00

"If it's her turn to choose" is a series I've started to help guys navigate the sea of movies your lady might choose when it's her turn to pick. In a nut shell, I'm reviewing a chick flick below to let my male audience know if it's worth fighting about or if you should just let her win this one. You can read about the ratings system in this post. With no further adieu, let's begin.Movie Title

birdbrainhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10109849415532297240noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4264263453448512944.post-80694099187669511742009-07-08T17:46:00.005-04:002009-07-08T19:16:42.495-04:00

I've decided to start doing semi-regular posts to help my male readers out. Unfortunately, relationships require countless numbers of chick flicks to keep that lady happy. I realize that the smart guys don't watch the movies for enjoyment but rather in the hopes that they'll get repaid for their loyalties once it's over. My intent here is to help you guys know which movies are worth suffering

birdbrainhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10109849415532297240noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4264263453448512944.post-91368916748941613372009-07-06T17:35:00.005-04:002009-07-06T18:35:36.023-04:00

I know I'm a little late to the party here, but one of the Jonas Brothers is engaged. I know. I know. You don't care. You would if Michael Jackson hadn't died in the same week, but a person can only feign interest in one celebrity-centered over-covered news story at a time. Here's how I see it, and therefore, how you should see it.Nick is apparently 21 which means he's definitely old enough

birdbrainhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10109849415532297240noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4264263453448512944.post-79400009812785119572009-07-05T21:59:00.004-04:002009-07-05T22:55:27.206-04:00

Since it's the Fifth of July and fireworks (or maybe gunshots) are exploding outside of my apartment again tonight, I wanted to make one more post before the end of the holiday weekend about the beauty of America. Tonight, I want to focus on two things that I, as an American, hold most dear: baseball and the freedom of speech. Nothing brings those together quite like managers who feel slighted,

birdbrainhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10109849415532297240noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4264263453448512944.post-52149233613414943162009-07-04T09:22:00.005-04:002009-07-04T14:07:07.134-04:00

Traditionally, I celebrate Independence Day weekend by watching Americans dominate England, this time, across the pond. Yesterday, I revelled in Andy Roddick eliminating the final Englishman from the Wimbledon Semifinals. This morning I'm watching Williams sisters in their All-American final and am a little confused. I thought the women's final was this morning. I'm not sure what kind of

birdbrainhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10109849415532297240noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4264263453448512944.post-48739832445575891912009-07-01T20:33:00.005-04:002009-07-01T22:54:56.039-04:00

The only tennis tournament I'll make it a point to watch...sometimes. I'm not sure what causes me to take an interest in watching a sport with almost no contact. Perhaps I enjoy the tradition that the tournament hosts. It could that I look for every excuse to eat strawberries and cream with champagne for breakfast. (British tennis fans will consume about 17,000 bottles of champagne during the

birdbrainhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10109849415532297240noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4264263453448512944.post-24211983179458628802009-06-30T22:34:00.007-04:002009-06-30T23:56:50.798-04:00

I just stumbled across this story about a man who attempted a do-it-yourself circumcision using a pair of nail clippers. As a grown man, I shudder at the thought of the procedure as it's performed by a doctor while under anesthesia. I'm not sure what would possess a person to think it's a good idea to use a tool intended for grooming your toes for such a purpose, but I've outlined several

birdbrainhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10109849415532297240noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4264263453448512944.post-35351604164594417732009-06-26T00:12:00.002-04:002009-06-26T00:33:54.679-04:00

I won't even waste your time with words.Which just begs the question: Why do Clevelanders put up with such nonsense? Right, Lebron James has brought home an NBA runner up trophy. Strangely, that's how it's preferred, because in Cleveland, as most people know, first is worst, and second is best. It's the same reason the Indians let the Florida Marlins win the World Series in 1997. (Or maybe

birdbrainhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10109849415532297240noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4264263453448512944.post-8035962946245436362009-06-24T17:59:00.003-04:002009-06-24T18:58:44.726-04:00

Unless you've been living under a rock, or you only go to cnn.com (where the only international news seems to Iran) for news, you've probably heard the threats issued by North Korea that were aimed at the United States. (I made a decision before starting this blog that I would never focus on politics, and I have no intention of breaking that decision with this post. So please don't stop reading

birdbrainhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10109849415532297240noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4264263453448512944.post-69666889746374581952009-06-22T17:48:00.010-04:002009-06-23T18:01:06.185-04:00

A few months ago, I was finally convinced to endure a viewing of 300, a movie which I had absolutely no interest. I'm by no means a movie buff or even a casual movie goer. The extent of my movie watching typically comes from watching HBO or catching the child-proofed version on cable. However, 300 was a different beast. Movie critics loved it. My friends loved it. Even the Persians loved it. So I

birdbrainhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10109849415532297240noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4264263453448512944.post-67852543034570203432009-06-16T18:14:00.006-04:002009-06-17T18:11:15.486-04:00

This November, Sesame Street, the show that taught most of us how to count will turn begin its 40th season. Though I haven't watched it in decades, I may have to set the DVR to record the episode that features Ricky Gervais as its special guest. As entertaining as the outtakes with Elmo are, I'm more excited to be taught how to count in English. The British English, not the dumbed down version

birdbrainhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10109849415532297240noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4264263453448512944.post-66545055928137530242009-06-15T17:41:00.009-04:002009-06-17T18:07:47.940-04:00

About a week ago, I wrote a post about several reasons why baseball is better in person. Today, I bring you one more reason to take yourself out to the ballgame. This week's crazy (stupid) minor league promotion belongs to the Brooklyn Cyclones who are hosting Bellies and Baseball on July 19. Sadly, the night isn't dedicated to beer or its supple enthusiasts. Rather, it's a night to celebrate all

birdbrainhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10109849415532297240noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4264263453448512944.post-25830288236918480292009-06-11T12:33:00.012-04:002009-06-15T17:40:55.467-04:00

Starting tomorrow, you'll need a digital converter box to view broadcast networks nationwide. Odds are that if you're reading this, you'll need to run out to Best Buy and pick one up since this is likely the first time you've heard the startling news. It angers me to no end that such little notice was given to prepare everybody for such a drastic transition and moreso that the cost of such a

birdbrainhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10109849415532297240noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4264263453448512944.post-23143181110433780512009-06-06T22:42:00.011-04:002009-06-07T08:45:13.306-04:00

Despite being my favorite sport, it's impossible to dismiss the fact that it has obscenely sleep-provoking moments. Watching the game on TV subjects us to look at whatever the blow-hard announcer decides is worth talking about. However, it doesn't go without its benefits. (And I'm not talking about Eddie. *cough* gratuitous Erin Andrews links *cough* *cough* WARNING: not Erin Andrews *cough*)

birdbrainhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10109849415532297240noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4264263453448512944.post-65402222992913910342009-06-04T19:22:00.002-04:002009-06-04T20:51:34.006-04:00

In all honesty, this is a post that needed to be made several weeks ago, but www.thingsthatmakebirdbraingowtf.blogspot.com didn't exist.  Alas, the important thing is that this information is being disseminated at all.June 5th is the feast day of St. Boniface and should be circled on your calendar with the same green marker you used for March 17.  Except instead of green, feel free to use brown,

birdbrainhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10109849415532297240noreply@blogger.com0